Welp, it’s about time to take that trip to the Magical Land of Dumbassness. Buckle up, kids:
- Mississippi legislators came up with another bullshit tactic to close the state’s only abortion clinic and were, thankfully, blocked by a federal judge.
- Herman Cain takes a brief break from sexually harassing white women to launch a Web Channel called CainTV. which is supposed to deliver comical commentary in an “INformed, INspirational, and INtertaining way.” And I can name 999 things I’d rather do than watch it.
- Priest of Human Life Inc. explained his alleged sexual assault of a woman–which included kissing her nude body and inserting a finger into her vagina–as “blowing the Holy Spirit into her” during an exorcism.
- [Warning: Fox News link ahead] Conservative Keith Albow says that Obamacare will “infantilize” Americans by somehow taking away their autonomy through the individual mandate. Hmm, whining about paying your fair share? Who’s the real baby?
- Republican Alan West said Obama is making voters into “slaves” who don’t have self esteem and rely on government programs and compared himself to Harriet Tubman, who will lead people away from the “plantation” and into the “sense of sensibility”. Harriet, feel free to turn in your grave on that one.
- The Texas Republican Party outlined its platform, which includes shit like: “We support the definition of marriage as a God-ordained, legal and moral commitment only between a natural man and a natural woman.” Read it, then feel better after watching YouTuber Animaine’s hilarious response.
- Attention all sluts: Now you can do your part in maintaining sexual double standards by purchasing the Walk of Shame Kit, which includes a pair of sunglasses (hides your slutty face better) and wipes (cause you’re a filthy hoe, obvi.) The Geekerella Report breaks it down here.
- TheWomen’s Tennis Association and the International Tennis Federation are working together in moronic harmony to stop female tennis players from grunting during matches. It’s being chalked up as a “disturbance” to fans who don’t like the “loud noise”, which we know just means that all the major sponsors have their dicks in a twist because the players have forgone ladylike gender norms to–i don’t know–win?
Sigh. Until next time.