Among the things conservatives hold President Obama responsible for (rising gas prices, unemployment, falsified birth certificate, economic collapse that occured before he was even inaugurated) we can now add converting kids to homosexuality to the list. In our latest segment of Blame The Black Dude for Everything, YouTube vlogger CaidenCowgerProgram (and Rick Santorum’s long lost son), claims that kids he’s known from middle school who were previously straight have made a “decision” to become gay due to Obama’s “encouragement”–and because apparently, gayness is becoming all the rage among young people. But I’m confused. When did we become all, “Hey guys, you know what would be so cool? Switching our sexual preference to people we aren’t naturally attracted to before coming out to friends and family at the risk of being disowned while facing hateful discrimination and religious intolerance for the rest of our lives, and fighting for the constitutional marriage rights we should’ve had in the first place! Come on dude, all the kids are doing it. YOLO!”
Sweater vest Jr. here is also pissed because he feels like America is becoming a place where he can no longer “tell people about the word of God” (aka, threatening you with eternal damnation so you can go to one of those Gay Conversion Therapy camps where you’ll sit in a dimly lit room between Eddie Long and Larry Craig and try to “pray your urges away”), without perceived as a bully. But it’s not the kids with slicked back hair and leather jackets we’re worried about anymore; it’s people like him, the Bible Bullies, that are making the lives of gay people that much more difficult. It’s the WestBoro Baptist Church whose slogan is “God hate fags” and that fat lady from Jesus Camp who’s trying to cultivate a new generation of bigots, or the One Million Moms group who’s boycotting JCP for featuring a lesbian couple in their ads. It’s the anti-gay protestors, the lobbyist, the pamphlet pushers, the show-up-to-your-door-at-7am-to-tell-you-about-Jesus-and-end-up-getting-cussed-out people who do the most damage.
So be like Obama: support marriage equality and accept the gay and lesbian kids in your life. Because if you raise them to be evangelical homophobes they will inevitably grow up to do offensive YouTube videos and other people will have to write blog posts about how stupid they are.