Your Bi-Weekly Dose of Dumbassness

1.) LENA DUNHAM IS “FLESHY” AND THEREFORE RELATES TO BLACK WOMEN?

photo via gossip-celebrity-news.com

In a failed attempt to address complaints about why the new HBO series Girls –a “coming of age” story about post-college grad life–neglects to feature one black girl, Hilton Als reasoned that its creator and star, Lena Dunham, doesn’t need to show any minority women because her rounder body type makes her you know, practically black. Because 1.) All black women are round/curvy/bigger/”plus-sized” and 2.) A girl on TV with a few extra lbs is the same thing as being a woman of color and therefore eliminates the need for the perspective entirely. Totally makes sense.

Personally, I wasn’t that all that irked about not seeing black women on the show. See, I’d wager that even after considerable arm-twisting, we’d just end up with Tamika Williams from Harlem who rarely appears in the story line because she’s working two jobs to support her two year old son, Anferny, since she’s a strong black woman and his daddy “aint shit”—all for a show that was minimally interesting to begin with. Unless Girls and shows like it will give realistic, multidimensional portrayals of women of color, it’s better not to have one at all.

2.) AMENDMENT 1 WILL STOP GAY MARRIAGE AND BREED MORE WHITE PEOPLE.

photo via thinkprogress.org

Jodie Brunstetter (wife of North Carolina senator Peter Brunstetter told voters she and her husband advocate for Amendment 1 not only because it will outlaw gay marriage, civil unions, and domestic partnerships, but will protect the “the Caucasian race”. I’m sure that’s the America the Brunsetetters envision: good ol’ white, heterosexual, wealthy, Christian couples who may actually be siblings and take pictures in leisure outfits with stock landscape backgrounds when they’re not whipping up racist, homophobic legislation in their free time. Sigh. One can only dream.

3.) OBAMA ADMINISTRATION SUPPORTS ABSTINENCE–ONLY EDUCATION FROM  THE 1950’s?

On its list of programs that prevent teen pregnancy ( and are endorsed by the Department of Health and Human Services), the Obama Administration added the Heritage Keepers Abstinence-Only Education Program. Only, like most “just keep it in your pants” programs, it doesn’t actually help prevent youth pregnancy/STDs. Its manual is, however, filled with sexist, creepy shit from 1954 like: “ Males are more sight orientated whereas females are more touch orientated…“This is why girls need to be careful with what they wear, because males are looking! The girl might be thinking fashion, while the boy is thinking sex. For this reason, girls have a responsibility to wear modest clothing that doesn’t invite lustful thoughts. ” (Heritage Keepers, Student Manual, p. 46)

That’s right, girls, its your sole responsibility to control the libido of your male classmates! He’ll only get a boner if you make him get a boner. You should be wearing clothing to diminish any amount of sexiness you may possess—like Mom Jeans, or Fanny Packs.

If that doesn’t help, the manual also advises (girls) to think about that Magical Wedding Day When It Will All Be Worth It: Your true love stands at the front. This is the man who you have waited for (remained abstinent for) and who has waited for you…This man wants to be strong and courageous for you, to cherish and protect you…You are ready to trust him with all that you have and all that you are, because you have waited (sexually) you have it all to give.” (Heritage Keepers, Student Manual, p. 49)

Psst: by “all” they mean a hymen and a complete lack of knowledge about your sexuality.

Have we learned nothing from Tennessee? Abstinence-only Education programs Do. Not. Work.

4.) ONE MILLION MOMS ANGRY WITH JCP FOR, YOU KNOW, SHOWING TOLERANCE. 

photo via jezebel.com

Here’s how you know the One Million Moms group are homophobic, misanthropic,  nut-buckets: they attacked Ellen Degeneres. IT’S ELLEN DEGENERES. If there were two things that were physiologically impossible not to like it would be puppies, followed very closely by Ellen Degeneres.

But alas, One Million Moms went after JCP after it first announced Ellen as its first openly gay spokesmodel and now is doubly pissed at its audacity to feature a chipper-looking lesbian couple in its May catalog. Jezebel’s hilarious take here.

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